Fear of Unknown

            During Yoga Teacher Training, we were assigned few essays as part of the curriculum. One of those was "My Greatest Fear". It takes immense courage to share your vulnerability with people especially when you hardly know them. I was blessed to share this in a Non-Judgemental zone. My greatest fear has always been losing control over life, and I am sure that I am not alone feeling this way. 
            "When we walk to the edge of all the light we have and take the first step into the darkest of  unknown, we must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for us to stand upon or you will be taught to fly". - Patrick Overton

              I was waiting for my work visa to be approved in the last quarter of 2019. I was supposed to get it stamped from a neighboring country so I can travel in 2020, and visit family in Germany for the summer. Everything was planned. It's a smooth process to get a visa extension under certain conditions and like everyone else in the same category I was hoping for the same. I was living one day at a time. Things seemed to be going well, and then when least expected it, my visa extension was denied. It was scary but I was prepared to accept whatever it had to offer me. When it was time to leave the country, I had to accept things which I had no control over. Fear of losing the place I called my home for the past 12 years, my job and most importantly not knowing what would it be like living in India for at least next couple of months. I have lived away from my parents since I was seventeen and it was difficult for me to think of living anywhere but here. Training taught us that the root of suffering is attachment. Practicing non-attachment, accepting what comes, and allowing it to leave when it's time. What's for me will be for me effortlessly.

        Once I discovered that I would be returning to India, I decided to make the most of my stay. It always excites me to plan travel and visit places. Going on a road trip with my parents to North India, and seeing my sister's family in Germany were definitely on my list. I was waiting for my flight at LAX and having lunch from Panda Express. I opened a fortune cookie which had this note below. I have seen many signs from the universe during the past weeks. Last thing before the flight took off I checked the pending visa case status hoping that I will get off the plane if it is approved. I received a call from work saying that my Visa is approved on the same day as I arrived in India. Life surprises you in strange ways. It was all meant to be.

           Although COVID-19 was spreading across the globe, there were still less number of cases in India and California. It was a bummer that we had to skip our visit to Germany as I had to return within a month. Thanks to the outbreak, we had to stay home most of the time. But I got to spend quality time with my college friends and reminisce the fun college days. I had an opportunity to share the stage with my mother on the occasion of International Women's Day celebration event in Engineering College. It was an honor to share my experiences and interactions with students which made it the most memorable day of my stay. 






                 There was fear rising everyday around about COVID-19 and I was advised to stay back in the country considering tense situations in USA. Embassy was cancelling visa appointments, travel from certain countries was already banned into United States and borders were getting closed. It was now or never decision for me but I chose to return. State of California announced lockdown right after I returned. When you can not control things around but you can always control how you respond to things. Empty highways, restaurants, flights and airports were depicting response to severity of the outbreak. It was a first day of Spring, a lovely reminder of how beautiful change can truly be. Mother earth has been healing so does everyone in their own way. 





                 They say what we resist, persists.Instead of resisting fears, I chose to embrace them, Invite them and allow them to give their message. What is fear telling you, maybe you have belief about yourself that isn't serving you, maybe it's that you have people in your life who you care deeply about, may be to accept your perfect imperfections and give yourself space to stumble and fall when you try something new. Fear can either show us our limitations or teach about something that we need to overcome. Let fear guide you, help you grow and move forward in direction that serves you. 

                This fear of uncertainty and unknown in life taught me to prepare for the worst. You receive everything you deserve when time is right for you. Trust the timing of your life. I will ALWAYS remember unplanned trip to India. Lastly, I am grateful to everyone who lifted my spirit up and few gems who demoralized it during challenging times.You all are precious!

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