Wish you were here!

 I was furious when you left us!


I shouted at death as if it could hear me. "This isn't fair," and I asked a thousand whys. All my questions, fears and doubts were answered with silence. Between the anger, there was heartbreak and disbelief when I heard you were gone. It numbed me. This can't be real, this can't be reality, this can't be yours! But the nightmare of grief was real. 

And the reality is that I lost someone I loved. I will never know the reasons why. But I don't think there is any explanation that would make it feel okay. Love was filled with grief. What once was can no longer be, and while the anger fades, the wishing that you were here never does. When you lose a parent, you lose a part of your soul forever, there's a deep disconnection with the universe that you feel for the rest of your life. And that is the painful reality of grief. 

In hard times like this, urging people to move on and to stay strong, don't build their resilience. It denies their reality. Telling grieving people that time will heal doesn’t bring their person back. Their time stands still when they lose their loved one. People in pain don't just need good vibes. They need a hand to hold them through all the vibrations. Strength doesn't come from a forced smile. It comes from feeling supported. 

There's a lot of talk about moving on, mostly from the outside world. The world doesn’t wait for the griever. It expects you to bounce back, See things positively, be grateful and smile politely when being told that 'time is a healer'; And all of these things have felt like rubbsih to me.It feels like no one really understands our loss. And they don't. Our grief is our own. Our relationship to our person. So no one really knows what it feels like for us.

I absolutely dislike the term "MOVE ON" in grief. 

Do you move on from loving them? 

Do you resume your old life?

Do you forget their impact on you?

Do you become your old self again?

No, none of that happens, we don't move on. We hope to gain momentum to move at all!

You don’t survive grief, You learn how to wear it, how to move forward with it by your side throughout your life. Time isn’t the fix to the pain but it teaches you how to grow with it. We all carry an inner strength to move forward, even when we don’t want to.


Comments

New comments are not allowed.

Popular posts from this blog

To, My Brightest Star

End of a first month already and a new moon! 4th new moon since you left and It's your birthday month starting on new moon day.           I did not want to enter this year without you in it pa. It's been hard but you'd not like anyone of us to be sad. You always brought love and light in the darkest times of everyone's life around you. And I don't know how to do it now. I think of a soft smile on your face when I struggle and listen to audio message you sent on my birthday! I am grateful for all those audio messages of yours. Everything is going exactly the way it was going when you were here. I miss our calls in the evenings and realized how I took those for granted. I miss seeing you everyday.            I think of times when you and aai used to sit by us in the morning with tea & newspaper and talk while we are still asleep just to wake us up. It annoyed us but all you wanted to spend as much as time you could durin...
Read more

मागे वळून पाहताना

अमेरिकेला उच्च शिक्षणासाठी जायचा असा हाई स्कूल पासून निश्चित केलेला ध्येय  होत अणि घरचे वातावरण शैक्षणिक असल्याने घरुन तसा पाठिम्बा पण मिळाला। आठ वर्षाहून  अधिक काळ लोटला या परक्या देशात। हो परकाच होता तसा । माझ्या घरातून पहिली मुलगी अमेरिकेला येत होती। सगळ्यांना भीती अणि अभिमान असे दोन्ही भाव मनात  होते. विमानात बसेपर्यंत आपण एकटेच जात आहोत याची कल्पना सुद्धा नाही आली. पाहिले काही दिवस खुप अवघड होते नविन लोकांमधे रुळयला, नव्या देशाच्या  रीती-भातिषी  जुळून घ्यायला।पण  निभावला।जेवण अजीबात बनवाता येत नव्हते त्यामुळे यूट्यूब वर किंवा घरी फ़ोन करून आईला विचारायचे। वरचा खर्च भागावा म्हणून ठीक ठिकाणी केलेले काम. या सगळ्या अनुभवाने एका छोटया शहरातल्या मराठी माध्यमातून शिकून दुसऱ्या देशात एकट्याने प्रवास करणाऱ्या त्या माझ्याकड़े मागे वळुन पाहिले की उगाच कौतुक वाटते. असे धाडस सगळ्या मुलींनी एकदा तरी करावे। आयुष्यात सगळ्याच गोष्टी  छान अणि मनासारख्या होतील अस नाही। या प्रवासात खाच खळगे  हे आहेतच।महत्वाची गोष...
Read more