To, My Brightest Star

End of a first month already and a new moon! 4th new moon since you left and It's your birthday month starting on new moon day.

        I did not want to enter this year without you in it pa. It's been hard but you'd not like anyone of us to be sad. You always brought love and light in the darkest times of everyone's life around you. And I don't know how to do it now. I think of a soft smile on your face when I struggle and listen to audio message you sent on my birthday! I am grateful for all those audio messages of yours. Everything is going exactly the way it was going when you were here. I miss our calls in the evenings and realized how I took those for granted. I miss seeing you everyday. 

        I think of times when you and aai used to sit by us in the morning with tea & newspaper and talk while we are still asleep just to wake us up. It annoyed us but all you wanted to spend as much as time you could during our visits. You being not around feels like an ugly dream pa. I want you to wake me up from that dream every single morning like you used to do. You would open curtains in the room or turn off fan. I want you to wake me up like old times saying " how long are you gonna sleep in for, wake up and tell me what you want for breakfast today" 

        It is unfair that you had to go.  Almost 90 days without talking to you! It feels unreal most of the time until I see your photo. It hits harder at times when we used to have a video call and tears find its way at random times. You would not like to see anyone of us if you were around the phase we are in right now. you wanted me to smile and happy always.You taught me to be independent, you gave me so much freedom with my choices, dreams and goals. You stood by me rock-solid with every twists and turns. I am not sure if I will ever learn to live without you. Life is never going to be same again. 

        You leaving us brought many true colors of people around. Their actions, words and silence brought us reality check that it doesn’t matter if you share the same last name, same blood or for that matter same parents. Hard time reveals true faces; wolves under the sheep's clothing! You knew all about it but you lived by values and principles. You chose love for all and everything around you. People showed up in unexpected ways who said they will always be there and got me all along to count on them and left. But there are few who stayed just like they always do. 

        I am learning to walk in the dark and finding a way as I slowly go. You will be happy to hear that we did a car camping under the stars on new moon night, hiked in dark to catch the sunrise and moonrise. I knew it was you when you made sure that I find a company walking in the dark knowing how scared I can get. I knew it was your blessing & belief that I noticed growth in studio every Sunday. I try and look harder everyday something to be grateful for. Our close knit family, Ray, my job, teaching, my students and road trips bring feeling of being alive. 

        You always taught us to be nice and help everyone around us regardless how they treat us. It takes immense strength and patience which only you had for others. You did it gracefully with kindness and compassion in your heart. We witnessed so many people who loved you dearly and couldn’t control tears while talking about you. You won their hearts and respect. We grew up seeing how celebrated you are and will always be as a professor and a human being. There is no one and there will be no one like you pa. 

I hope you are happy and having great time after reuniting with Aaji and Dada. 

To my brightest star, Happy Birthday month Pappa <3

Comments

  1. NikFebruary 1, 2022 at 8:21 PM

    Well said Rutuja, we miss him a lot

    ReplyDelete
  2. Nanasaheb SatheFebruary 1, 2022 at 8:36 PM

    Rutuja your father was a Guru to many of students from Solapur. Today on his birth anniversary we remember his holy soul. I was lucky to have to spent 2 days with both of them 2 years back. He was always a motivated person and has charged others too with his affectionated words. I respect is soul on his birth anniversary today.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rutuja JagtapFebruary 11, 2022 at 8:48 PM

      Thank you for sharing sweet memory of my parents, he shared photos with us of their visit. Really appreciate your kind words

      Delete
  3. UnknownFebruary 1, 2022 at 9:33 PM

    Rutuja I will pray to God, to overcome this loss. Void will be always there, but his fond memories will give you courage to move on. Your Babul Mavshi.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Rutuja JagtapFebruary 11, 2022 at 8:49 PM

    Thank you for support. We will learn to rebuild around his loss. one day at a time.

    ReplyDelete

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